• me: my arm hurts
  • mom: it's the computer
  • me: my eyes hurt
  • mom: it's the computer
  • me: i have a nosebleed
  • mom: it's the computer
  • me: i have a fever
  • mom: are you sure it's not the heat from the computer
  • me: im pregnant
  • mom: its the computer
  • me: i feel down the stairs & hurt my tailbone
  • mom: the computer pushed you didnt it

callmeoutis:

by all means call out john green on his bullshit don’t stand for one bit of it but while you’re at it don’t throw the 13 year old girls who read his books under the bus with him for crying over fictional boys and photoshopping flower crowns onto things and blogging about their social anxiety protect them at all fucking costs

bitch-about-it:

My sister forgot how to say “turn up the volume” so she said “zoom in on the sound”

marianmaidenrose:

fallingaroundagain:

lupeylycan:

un-balanc-ed:

thatwrongthing:

this shirt would fit if it weren’t for boobs: a tragedy

that shirt would fit if i had boobs: the sequel 

this shirt fits perfectly because my boobs are the right size: the fanfiction

my shirts always fit: a man’s tale

what shirt: a nudist au

coolbloqqer:

to the ppl who know me irl who follow me on here: shhhhhh shhh shhhhhhshhshhshhhhhhhhhhhh not a word u hear me shh

lucariomegas:

*puts pocky stick in my mouth* see, its a metaphor, i put the weeaboo thing in my mouth without eating it, so im technically not a weeb

  • parents: okay we will be home at 11 o'clock!
  • clock: 11:01
  • me: they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now
titan